I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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