well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Randomize
