While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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