if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
