youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
