In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
