And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
