The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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