Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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