my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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