So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
