Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
