I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
