ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
