so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
