Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
