I would go down on you faster than GM stock
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
