i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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