I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
