Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
