Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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