I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
