Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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