I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
