new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Say something about gay babies.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
