Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
