At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
she looked like the before picture.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
