i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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