And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
