whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize