Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
