ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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