Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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