Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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