Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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