Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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