maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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