So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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