Even water is tasting like jack daniels
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
