Moan for me like Helen Keller
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
