he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
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