Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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