2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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