Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
