i may or may not be watching the land before time
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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