either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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