when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
