I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
