brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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