no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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