I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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