Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
