i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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