All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
