just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
