You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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