Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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