im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
