dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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