I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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