my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
