in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
