How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Randomize
