If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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