those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
