If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
