The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
