Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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