There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
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